Ow. My uterus has weasels.
July 22, 2008Badhbh No Comments »The baby factory is closed. Boarded up. Condemned even. Well, not quite, because it still works quite well. I got Essured on Thursday, and the little metal slinkies are working their magic on my fallopian tubes as i sit here typing.
For anyone not familiar with this, it’s a sterilization surgery. Thing metal coils are placed into your fallopian tubes, and as they sit there all snug as a bug, scar tissue forms around them until your tubes are like teh M25 at rush hour. The scar tissue blocks the tubes, and no eggs can escape. Viola! No more babies!
I love babies. I love MY babies. In a twisted sort of way, I’d kind of like to have another one. But i’m too old and set in my ways at this point. I don’t know if I can go back to breastfeeding, miles of cloth diapers, and constantly having another human being attached to my body. I’ve had my kids, and now I’m done. i had one of each. I’m all set. I gave Lusi an out, and told him as I was being prepped for surgery that if he wanted me to bear his offspring now was the time to say something. He didn’t opt in, so off I went. I’d already gotten all IV’d up and had the nausea meds put in the line, so I was kind of relaxed and mellow. The last thing I remember is the anesthesiologist saying that he was giving me something to make me a little sleepy. I said something like “Ooh, there goes my head”, and I was out. I woke up in recovery with a floaty head and something stuck between my legs. (Gee, that’s never happened before.) They told me that I had to pee before they’d let me leave, and I could NOT pee to save my life. 2 cans of ginger ale, water, a cup of coffee, and 3 bags of saline, and I still couldn’t pee. I finally managed to squeeze out enough for them to let me go. All the way home I thought I was going to barf despite the nausea meds in my IV line. I also had a HORIFFIC dry mouth from the morphine. Lusi graciously stopped and got me a pepsi and some gum, but it did next to nothing. The nurses said it might be 24 hours before that particular symptom was gone. So I spent the day sleeping on and off, cramping, bleeding, and wanting to barf while itching and desperately sucking on every bit of candy i could find in an effort to stop the mouth thing. Good times. Itching you say? Yes, itching. It was maddening. Morphine makes you itch. All over. Constantly. It fucking sucks. I woke up thinking I was being attacked by a huge swarm of fleas. Lusi saw me flailing and scratching in the bed and informed me of that little bit of Morphine trivia. Why the hell would anyone want to abuse Morphine with symptoms like that? Yeah, you’re high, but you’re scratching like you’ve got crabs and have nasty breath. Classy.
So yeah, the only bad part about the whole experience was the after effects of the medications and general anesthesia. My uterus itself is ok. I’ve had a low grade ache for several days, but it’ not that bad. It’s more irritating than anything. And no sex until my follow up next Wednesday. Of course that’s only making me more excitable. I’ve been banned (by myself) from deep kissing, nudity, nibbles, or anything else that makes me thing of scrumping. it’s just too maddening. But it’ll be worth it in a few months when pregnancy is a worry i’ll no longer have.
Eggs, it was nice knowing you. You’ve always been there for me.. you’ve given me some of the most interesting times of my life. But now it’s time we say goodbye. Our time is done, and parting is bittersweet. This is for the best for both of us though.
We can still be friends..
Join the discussion